


the restless heart

by l_cloudy



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Awkward Conversations, First Time, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Virgin Kylo Ren, kylo ren is a little shit, this is not a tag yet but it should be one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 11:08:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6954019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/l_cloudy/pseuds/l_cloudy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You have been <em>having dreams</em> about me,” Ren singsongs. He looks like a child on Empire Day, except Hux has never wanted to punch a child in the face so much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the restless heart

Ren fucks like he does everything else, messy and loud, intense to the point of agony.

It’s fucking torture, that’s what it is, the drag of Ren’s cock inside of him as he hits his prostate again and again, making him shudder. Hux has long since given up any semblance of dignity, lost along with the last of the strength in his shoulders, and he’s dropped down on the mattress with his head in the sheets and ass in the air, biting down frantically on a closed fist in an attempt to quell all the whiny little whimpers he can’t stop himself from making.

Ren’s low groaning turns into a breathless laugh, and Hux can tell from just that he’s failed – not that he minds, at this point, too far gone to care, pushing back into Ren’s thrusts to take him even deeper, fucking himself on Ren’s cock with everything he’s got.

“Look at you,” Ren says, taunting. He’s got one warm, calloused hand gripping Hux’s hip with vicious strength, the other kneading the meat of his ass. “You’re such a slut,” he all but gloats, and he slaps his ass, sharply, making Hux moan as his hole clenches and Ren’s length twitches inside him and it’s _too much_ , he’s going to go insane.

Slowly, he uncoils his free hand from where it’s gripping at a fistful of sheets and brings it down between his legs, where his own cock is dripping, red and swollen, still untouched. Hux lets it hover there, so close to where it needs it, squirming in pleasure at the thought that when he touches himself he’s going to go off, it’s going to be over, but he’ll take this for as long as he can –the slap of flesh against flesh and the smell of sweat and sex and Ren, those low grunts and the beautiful fullness inside him, all coming together to make him lose his mind.

It’s too much, he decides, and it’s overwhelming, it’s _delightful_ , it’s –

Hux wakes up, soaking in sweat and achingly hard.

It’s the third time this week.

+

Hux would never admit, not even to himself, just how long he’s spent speculating about whatever Ren may have been hiding under that pretentious attire of his.

At the beginning it had been an half-formed thought, some vague conjecture about the kind of person who’d rise so high in the Supreme Leader’s favour, and then it quickly turned into idle curiosity about Ren the man – his age, the colour of his skin, if he truly had the physical strength his bulky robes suggested, or was as scarred as Vader was rumoured to have been. All pointless thinking, of course. It wasn’t as if he actually cared.

At some point, it turned more personal. Hux found himself wondering about what the colour of Ren’s eyes would be, that of his hair, the sound of his real voice past the mechanical overtones of his vocoder. And when he’d finally got a glimpse of Ren’s face, as short and unsatisfactory as it had been, he’d figured that would be it. He’d found Ren’s features striking, but strangely soft; all in all, a bit underwhelming. Then he moved on.

Or so he thought.

Of late, Ren has started to command more and more space in Hux’s thoughts, in his dreams and waking hours alike; his mind filling in the blanks of what he hasn’t seen, adding details he didn’t know he could even imagine, such as Ren’s naked body, the feel of his touch, the way he shakes when he comes.

Most of his thoughts are sexual in nature, and Hux has never had fantasies quite like these, never this vivid, as intense or as filthy; obscene words and detailed images he never suspected his mind could produce. One morning he all but flinches when confronted with the sight of Ren first thing on alpha shift, last night’s dream still fresh in his thoughts. He remembers Ren’s red, stretched hole leaking come all over Hux’s sheets, on his tongue, the way he trashed and begged, reduced to tears.

Hux averts his eyes and turns around, face burning.

+

It’s two hours until the end of his shift and they’re in a staff meeting, a necessary evil as far as Hux is concerned. Ren is always present to this sort of things, as a direct representative of Leader Snoke and nominal co-commander of the ship, though he never offers any input worth considering. Today he’s had the good grace to show up only five minutes late, and once Hux’s done his part and gone back to his seat he find his eyes drawn more and more to the tall, dark figure sitting at the end of the table. His mind is reeling. He eyes Ren’s broad figure and thinks of the knight crouched in front of him, that silly helmet off, his insolent mouth put to good use for once.

It is suddenly very warm. Hux slides two fingers inside the collar of his uniform and shifts in his seat, heat pooling down in his belly as he keeps picturing Ren’s lips stretched around his cock. Ren has pretty lips, he knows this for certain. The only time he saw Ren’s face unmasked, he had been pouting, and Hux thinks he will never forget the sight of him then. He wonders, lazily, what it would be like to kiss him.

That is when Ren turns abruptly, and Hux flinches because now he _knows_ , knows what Ren does and how he does it and how those strange visions of his must have come about. He can feel Ren’s impassive, masked gaze burning through all the layers of his uniform, filling him with surprise and shock and burning anger, and his head spins as all the pieces come together.

+

He can handle Ren’s taunting, Hux tells himself. He has endured it for years and this is no different – even if Ren’s latest tricks cause him to lose his focus when he’s on duty, and forces him to wake up hard with his underwear soaked through like he hasn’t done since he was fifteen. Hux hasn’t climbed this far this fast, only to be distracted by Kylo Ren’s particular brand of perversion.

What he cannot handle is the way Ren is starting to mess with his thoughts, fucking up his sense of judgement, his ideas. He can grit his teeth and ward off all the dirty fantasies in the galaxy, even if it means jerking off twice a day, but he cannot stand – _will_ not stand – for Ren altering his perceptions like he’s been doing. Not when his life and career depend on his mind to remain sharp. Not unless he wants a swift fall just as swift as the climb has been, and a humiliating, painful death on top of all.

Hux has never, in all the years of their acquaintance, found Kylo Ren anything but annoying. He certainly has never found him interesting, nor has he wanted to spend more time in his company – especially now, with the way he’s been acting lately. And, most definitely, he has never considered Ren’s nonsensical little ramblings _funny_ , especially when it’s one of his own officers he’s mocking.

He finds himself storming through the endless grey corridors, punching repeatedly at the access panel on Ren’s door, seething.

Ren takes his time to answer the door, and when he does he’s wearing the mask over his trousers and boots and a half sleeved tunic, looking so utterly _ridiculous_ that Hux almost forgets about his own murderous rage for a second. Almost.

“What are you doing here?” Ren all but growls.

Hux walks in without asking permission, stopping a short distance inside Ren’s threadbare rooms, chin up and back straights. His eyes flicker down briefly to Ren’s exposed forearms, pale and corded with muscles, before he looks back to where Ren’s eyes must be, hidden by the helmet, and tightens his fists behind his back.

“This has been going on for too long, Ren,” he says. “You will stop.”

Ren tilts his head to the side, slowly. “Stop what, General?”

Inside, his mind is reeling. He cannot believe Ren would have the gall to deny – but apparently he would, the stupid child. “Your mind tricks are starting to become vexing, Ren,” he says. “Go back to hacking the ship into pieces, and _get out of my head_.” He spits out the last five words in a hiss, almost sputtering. He doesn’t care, not anymore – it’s not as if he should be concerned about maintaining decorum in front of this man, who has thrown his own dignity away just for the sake of being even more of an annoyance than he usually is.

Ren laughs, and the sound it’s so surprising  it makes Hux wince. He never heard Ren laugh – except for those damned dreams – and the way the sound comes out crackled through the voice synthesizer is more than a little unsettling.

“Hux…” Ren is sounding amused; and the worst thing is, he finds he _enjoys_ hearing the way Ren sounds when he’s amused. He digs the fingers of one hand into his palm, hard. 

“Hux,” he repeats. “I have never been in your head.”

“Don’t _lie_ ,” he cuts him off. “Don’t you dare. The dreams, the – everything. That was you. Stop it.”

Ren takes a step back and lowers his head, and before Hux can start to figure out what the hell he’s going there’s a buzzing noise and Ren’s mask is _coming off_ , and he’s face to face with Kylo Ren, who’s _smirking_ , looking very much like he did in that dream last week right before he –

 _No_ , Hux tells himself. _Stop it_.                                                

“Have you been having dreams about me?”

He feels himself burn. He wants to flee, wants to be far, far away from this room, wants Ren to disappear. Except that he doesn’t, not really.

The thought is hardly comforting.

“As if you didn’t know,” he spits out, but his conviction is wavering in the face of Ren’s – admittedly delighted – surprise.

“I really didn’t know,” Ren says. He smiles, slow and predatory, and that smile makes something twist deep down inside Hux. He wants to kiss that smile off his face. He wants to shove Ren against the wall. He wants to drop to his knees and suck him off and turn him into an incoherent, moaning mess. He wants –  

“Why don’t you tell me all about it,” he says, and Hux realizes, suddenly, that there is a very high chance Ren really has got nothing to do with this. And that he’s been having sexual fantasies. About Kylo Ren. For weeks.

And he’s just admitted to it, to the man himself.

When he opens his mouth, his voice comes out a low croak. He offers some excuse or the other – he doesn’t even know what his own mouth is saying, rattled as he is by this development – and he leaves on wobbling legs, chest heaving, head spinning.

++

Hux goes on shift lost in a mindless haze, like a droid, and walks back to his own quarter as if he were in a dream. He takes a shower – real water, officers’ privilege; if there was ever a night to indulge, this is it – and turns the temperature hot enough until his skin is burning and the pale tiles of his ‘fresher walls are foggy with vapour.

Naturally, this is when Ren comes calling.

He had known that he would. He’s been waiting for him to put the pieces together, Hux’s accusations and his reaction and his hurried flight. And now Ren’s come to gloat.

For a minute or two, he seriously consider not going to answer – except, this is _Ren_ , and he’d much rather he’d say his piece here and now instead of the next time they’re having it on in the middle of the bridge.

When he opens the door he sees that Ren is clad in his long black coat, cowl obscuring his face, but he’s without mask. _Wonderful_ , Hux thinks. Ren must have figured out what his face does to him, and now he’s going to have some fun.

“You have been _having dreams_ about me,” Ren says – singsongs, really – the moment he opens the door. He looks like a child on Empire Day, except Hux has never felt the urge to punch a child in the face.

Hux straightens himself up, feeling a renewed surge of determination. He’s survived much worse than Kylo Ren, and he will survive this as well, somehow. He waves Ren in, wanting to keep this humiliation between the two of them.

“Yes, Ren,” he says. “I have been having dreams about you, as I believe I told you earlier. Now, rub it in as many times as you need to, and leave.”

“Of an erotic nature, I presume?” Ren sounds so fucking smug, like this is something to take credit for, instead of just Hux’s own traitorous mind imploding under stress.

“Unfortunately, yes,” he says. “I’m not exactly _happy_ about it, you know.”

They’re standing awkwardly in the entryway of Hux’s quarters, Ren hunching slightly, fists closed and eyes bright, and Hux himself leaning against the closed door, arms crossed over his chest. He’s slouching, certainly looking as defensive as he feels, but he can’t help it. Fucking _Ren_.

“Why?” he asks, like Hux should be skipping from happiness at the privilege of having wet dreams of Ren. “Were they not to your satisfaction?”

This must be the most bizarre conversation he’s ever had. Ren tilts his head, looking like he’s genuinely curious, and Hux is ninety-seven percent sure he’s just screwing with him.

“I’m hardly going to talk to you about the quality of my sex dreams, Ren.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Hux begins. “I do not know how things are in whatever Republic hovel you crawled out of – and yes, it’s obvious you’re from the Republic, Ren – but I was raised to have some dignity. And discretion. Not that you’d know anything about it, clearly.”

“I see.” Ren keeps smirking like he knows something Hux doesn’t, and it’s strange how very relaxed he looks. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen Ren quite this at ease with himself, and it’s more than a bit unnerving.

“I was asking, Hux, because I thought that perhaps you may be interested in… recreating them. Shall we say.”

All of a sudden, there isn’t enough air. He sucks in a sharp breath, hands slipping against the smooth surface of the metal door. “Ren,” Hux says, trying to keep his voice even. “Are you propositioning me?”

Ren straightens himself up to full stature, jutting his chin out. “What does it look like?”

“Why in hell would you do that?” The words are out of his mouth before he realizes and bites down on his lip, hard. But, truly, it doesn’t make any sense. Why would Ren, after he’d admitted to having nothing to do with the dreams, looking so honestly startled, seek out Hux for _sex_?

Ren frowns, confusion evident in his face. Ren’s visage is an open book, every expression exaggerated by what Hux assume must be lack of practice. Or maybe he was always this expressive, and this is why he took up to wearing a mask in the first place?

“I was under the impression that you wanted this,” Ren tells him, uncharacteristically careful. “Why would you be complaining?”

And he sounds so genuine – gentle, even, almost _concerned_ , and not at all like the spiteful man he usually is – that Hux cannot help himself. And, perhaps, Ren’s transparency is contagious. “I just want to know what the catch is, Ren.”

“There’s no catch,” Ren says. He starts moving, as if he’d wanted to step closer but then thought better of it. “I’ve actually wanted you for quite some time.” All the air goes out of Hux’s lungs and he feels like choking, like Ren just used one of his Force tricks on him. But Ren seems so matter-of-factly about it. _How does he do it?_

“I’ve never actually had sex,” Ren continues, casually, like he’s not sprouting one world-shattering revelation after the other. “Not physically, at least, and I figured if I approached you today, you would be less inclined than usual to be a prick about it. Considering.”

“You are a horrid little freak.” Is the first thing Hux can say after he’s recovered his faculties of speech. _Not_ _physically_ , that sounds ghastly. “I utterly despise you, and–”

He trails off, almost sputtering, not quite knowing what to say. Fortunately, Ren steps in.

“ _Hux_.” For the first time he finds he likes the sound of his name coming out of Ren’s mouth outside of one of his fantasies. He likes it very much. He wants to hear it again, and again.

“Stop posturing,” Ren says, and it’s such a relief, a guarantee that he can let go now, he can stop pretending this is not something he so desperately wants. Like a dam just opened and now everything is flowing through, all the emotion he’s been trying so hard to keep under check.

“ _Ren_ ,” he starts to say, but it catches somewhere low in his throat, and all he can get out is this low choked sound that ought to be embarrassing but it’s not, because he’s walked up to Ren, or Ren walked up to him, and Ren’s lips are about two inches from his face and that’s all he can think about.

“What were we doing,” Ren whispers, pink mouth shaping so nicely around the words. “In your dreams?”

One large, ungloved hand hovers about his head, as if asking for permission, and Hux looks at it and he looks at Ren and nods very slightly, and then Ren is _touching_ him, big warm hand cradling his face, and he can’t help leaning into it, letting out something that might be a whimper.

“Easy,” Ren says – and, oh, that voice was made for the bedroom, this cannot be fair at all. Ren is in his head now, shuffling through his memories until he stops on the dream he’s had last night, of being flat on his back with Ren pounding into him, Hux’s legs around his waist to draw him in as much as he could, taking him deep.

“ _Oh_ ,” Ren says, sounding like he’s out of breath. “We can do that.” His eyes are sparkling, unbelievably bright. “We can do that now,” he says, his breath brushing on Hux’s lips, and suddenly they’re kissing, and it’s warm and wet and just as messy as he’s dreamed, but so _real_ and so inexplicably perfect, like they’d practiced this a thousand times.

“Well,” he hears. “I _am_ in your head just now.”

Honestly, he thinks, must Ren always _spoil_ everything?

Ren’s chest rumbles as he laughs, and that one is not much like the dreams, deeper and more warm; and neither is Ren’s body exactly as he’s pictured, his waist a little narrower and sprinkles of dark moles a stark contrast against his pale skin – but Ren’s cock is everything he could have possibly wanted, nice and thick and flushing such a lovely shade as he’s pressing Hux down on the bed, and his mind goes to when he was in this exact spot last, just this morning, fingering himself open thinking of the very same picture they’re making right now.

“You should do that one, too,” Ren says, his voice more than a little strangled. “We should do all of them,” he says, or maybe he’s speaking in Hux’s mind, and he closes his eyes and thinks back, _Yes_.

**Author's Note:**

> ++Basically the entire reason why this fic exists is because I needed an excuse to write a fic where Kylo has never had sex before. For some reason I kept receiving inquiries about the status of Kylo Ren's virginity [on tumblr](http://kyhlos.tumblr.com/post/144709493935/) and eventually it snowballed into [saltandlimes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6941353) and [claricechiarasorcha](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6914053) writing virgin!Kylo fic because why not and. Y'know. I had to jump in. Albeit in a very random, very convoluted way featuring long-suffering, confused Hux because that's my jam.
> 
> ++Also, big thanks to Meyham ([vetivervelvetviolet](http://vetivervelvetviolet.tumblr.com/) on tumblr) for turning my rambling sentences into something that kind of makes sense, and just generally being very cool.
> 
> ++Title from The Killers' [Read My Mind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc8hbSM1zVo) because duh. I'm on tumblr @[kyhlos](http://kyhlos.tumblr.com/), come talk to me about nsfw headcanons and how not to pick orginal fic titles.


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